I have feel as though I am standing at a cross road in my life. Okay, maybe not standing at it yet, but it sure feels like I have one block to go and I am running at a full sprint. That intersection is getting bigger, and I don't know which way to turn.
My youngest is going to school next year. That leaves me with...time. I know that kindergarten isn't a lot of time, but I have learned that a year goes by fast. My big question is: What am I going to do with myself? My Hubby and I have come up with several paths for me, but I cannot for the life of me figure out what I should do, so I am making a list. (I am very good at lists)
Option one: Do nothing. Well, not nothing, just do nothing different. Hubby says he is totally cool with being my sugar daddy and supporting me in the lifestyle to which I have become accustomed. ;) The fact is that doing nothing wouldn't be nothing at all. I could volunteer in the girl's classrooms, clean the house spotless everyday, pour myself into my church calling, work out without worrying about my kids (or being interrupted by them) Do the grocery shopping without forgetting anything and not coming home with fruit snacks I did not intend to buy, wash the car every once in a while, attack the "box of shame" (a large box in my closet full of projects I haven't done yet...I tend to loose steam after the purchase supplies stage....)
I think I could handle this option, for a while. But I can't see this as a long term solution. I would get a little antsy. (okay, maybe a lot) Eventually.
Option two: get a real job. But doing what? I have done a little of so many things in my life. (at least it seams to me) I have been a dental assistant, a seamstress, a camp cook, a receptionist, a cake decorator, a caterer, and for one day, a sample person. (it was awful) It seems like I am forgetting something, but It is late and I can't think of it.
Anyhow, I can't think of anything that really want to do at this point. I have to be home before the kids get home, though. I remember as a kid, whenever any one of us would come home, we would walk in the door and shout, "MOM??" she would usually holler back, "In here" and that was it. We didn't always go to see or talk to her, we just knew she was there and that was good. I know it is a bit old fashioned or silly or whatever, but I want that for my girls.
Option three: Go back to school and get a new degree. This one sounds so fun to me, except for the part where I have to choose a degree. I think I could be one of those life long students that never really finish school because they take every class under the sun. I never did that the first time around, I was too busy being responsible and stupid. (I didn't take the fun classes because they didn't seem "smart" enough) Sometimes I think I would like to go to nursing school, then one of my kids throws up and I realize I don't like other people's bodily fluids (or solids). Every time I get a facial I think I would like to be a master estitician, then I remember you have to touch people's feet. I think I would like to be something where I can be in charge. I would love to start my own business of some sort or another, I just think the risk is a bit much for me to handle (closet control freak...) I do know that I need to choose something where I can create... I have a physical need for it. I can definitely rule out teaching (ugh) and anything that requires me to take stats again ( I have no idea how I passed that one). And definitely no receptioning for me anymore...But I would love to be a student again! (aslo, after reading this, I think english major is out...)
or
Option four: Have another baby. This one is hard. I haven't changed a diaper in over 2 1/2 years. I don't remember what to do with a baby, really. I like sleeping through the night and it makes me cranky when I don't. I don't have a car seat or stroller anymore. I don't carry a diaper bag or anything big enough to even hold one diaper. I am a crazy pregnant person. I am an even crazier after pregnant person. But still, it is an option, and it ought to be on the list. And our babies are really cute.
So, now that I have laid it all out here, which way will I choose? I still have no idea. I
Phew. Right now option one is looking might tasty. Maybe that is because it is an hour past my bedtime and I am so very tired......
